Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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