Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
