I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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