By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
