cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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