we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
