Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
