he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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