hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
