yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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