evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
