Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
