her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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