He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
