My friends, they love my intelligence
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
