why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize