fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
