I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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