just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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