Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wish I only lived at night.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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