God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
