The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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