im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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