All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
