I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
