We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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