just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
