I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize