she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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