you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
