ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
