My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
