my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
