the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
