Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
