I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
