tell your sister to shave her snatch
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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