I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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