When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
