Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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