you turned your livingroom into a bong?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
