were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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