I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
