We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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