Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Boobs are out for the taking
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
