just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
