I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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