getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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