I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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