I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
