Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize