my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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