id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
