well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
