youre lurking in front of me
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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