He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
