If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
