Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
