Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
