By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
