I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
