the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
