Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
