i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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