On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
