Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
