i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I want to be your penis for a week.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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