it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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