from now on my penis is your penis
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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