Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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