I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
