Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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