Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
All I want is dick and wine.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
