I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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