He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
