the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
