I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
