just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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