just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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