my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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