I wish I only lived at night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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