I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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