And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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