Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
