is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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