I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
