I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I came so hard my ears popped.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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